Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, what the fuck is this shit?
OK, so, I finally got a look at what this dumb motherfucker has been doing on his new laptop, and I am stunned. I can't believe the shit he has been writing about me. Granted, most of it is true, but diz-zamn, you can't be spilling it all over the goddamn Internet. Christ, what a mess...and what's up with 1st person/3rd person crap? Stephen King might have gotten away with it in "Christine," but let's face it, we are light years way from Kingtown, my friends. I would buy him a copy of "The Elements of Style" if I wasn't convinced he would just stuff it up his ass and call it a sundae.
That being said, I feel compelled to clear a few things up:
1) I am not a Baptist, by any stretch of the imagination. I just happened to mention to Bigfoot that I had been baptized, and he kind of took the ball and ran with it. Stupid prick.
2) I do not have a dependency on marijuana. Believe me, there's a HUGE difference between a dependency and an addiction.
3) I had no problem getting it up for that bitch Sasquatch. The sad truth is that I had just rubbed one out before she showed up, and needed a bit of time to recharge the ol' batteries, if you catch my drift. She could have at least called to let me know she was coming over. God I hate her. Yet I want her so fucking badly! Why does that shit always go together?
3) Goatsucker is a misunderstood fucking genius, but you motherfuckers are too dumb to appreciate it. He deserves every drop of blood he sucks out of you bastards.
4) I do not "hate" DB, I just hate that knee-jerk anti-democrat Rush Limbaugh crap. But the guy is loaded. And as a human, he's the only one of us that can get into Walmart while it's actually open. I'm not biting that hand, let me tell you.
Ah fuck, I gotta wrap this up, I think I hear that those freakishly huge feet of his trampling through the woods (if the Bigster catches me posting to his blog, I think he might actually kill me; He really can be a scary motherfucker when he's pissed).
Peace,
Yeti
That being said, I feel compelled to clear a few things up:
1) I am not a Baptist, by any stretch of the imagination. I just happened to mention to Bigfoot that I had been baptized, and he kind of took the ball and ran with it. Stupid prick.
2) I do not have a dependency on marijuana. Believe me, there's a HUGE difference between a dependency and an addiction.
3) I had no problem getting it up for that bitch Sasquatch. The sad truth is that I had just rubbed one out before she showed up, and needed a bit of time to recharge the ol' batteries, if you catch my drift. She could have at least called to let me know she was coming over. God I hate her. Yet I want her so fucking badly! Why does that shit always go together?
3) Goatsucker is a misunderstood fucking genius, but you motherfuckers are too dumb to appreciate it. He deserves every drop of blood he sucks out of you bastards.
4) I do not "hate" DB, I just hate that knee-jerk anti-democrat Rush Limbaugh crap. But the guy is loaded. And as a human, he's the only one of us that can get into Walmart while it's actually open. I'm not biting that hand, let me tell you.
Ah fuck, I gotta wrap this up, I think I hear that those freakishly huge feet of his trampling through the woods (if the Bigster catches me posting to his blog, I think he might actually kill me; He really can be a scary motherfucker when he's pissed).
Peace,
Yeti
posted by Bigfoot at 9:46 PM
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