Traveled I've had my share, man

Me finally get back from long trip. Bigfoot and Yeti went to many places and saw many things! Me post some thoughts on some of the places we hiked to...

PHOENIX
Me like Phoenix, there were lots of pretty rocks and dirt and plants. And almost all of the humans were old and slow, so Bigfoot and Yeti no have to work hard to stay hidden. Me wish it wasn't so hot, but at least it was a dry heat.

Yeti Says:
"Boy howdy, rocks and cacti, cacti and rocks, we get the picture. And that peyote I scored at the rez was for shit. Thumbs way down."

OAKLAND
Me no like Oakland, Bigfoot think the whole area was sad and depressing. And humans there were no scared of us, they laughed pointed their boom-sticks at Yeti when he tried to eat one of them. Me not going back unless I have to testify in person.

Yeti Says:
"I'll save my opinion for when I am done pulling these 9mm shells out of my ass. Now can you stop typing for 5 goddamn minutes and hold these tweezers for me?"

SAN DIEGO
Me like San Diego very much, lots of water and trees and pretty humans to spy on. But Bigfoot no like the zoo! Me and Yeti sneak in and look at the other animals, who looked tired and fat and dead in the eyes. This makes Bigfoot sad.

Yeti Says:
"Yeah, whatever, San Diego was nice. Are we almost done here?"

DALLAS
Me think Dallas was the strangest place Bigfoot has ever seen. All the humans were made of cotton candy and wore marshmallow hats, and rode around on small dinosuars. They all sang songs while riding, and the songs were all about how much they loved Bigfoot! Me plan on going back as soon as I can.

Yeti Says:
"Um, we haven't been to Texas yet, you hairy freak. Maybe that peyote was better then I thought..."