Take these broken wings and learn to die
Me read about humans being scared of the bird flu, I guess lots of humans in the media have been writing many stories about it to get the attention of other humans (Goatsucker say that making people scared is a good way to sell newspapers and ad time which reaches the coveted 18-25 year-old male demographic).
Me think humans are getting all worked up over nothing. Bigfoot says relax! Me been reading up about the flu, and am happy to report the following:
1) You can only catch it by making the sex with a chicken who has the flu. And...
2) Only about 1/2 the humans who catch the flu have died.
Therefore, the worst-case scenario is that half of the humans who like making the sex with infected chickens will get sick. Those odds seem pretty good to Bigfoot! Me also think that risk of infection goes down if humans use a condo before making the sex with a chicken, which seem like common sense to Bigfoot.
Me also think that using a condo will also cut down on the chance of having a freak baby with the chicken and having to have an awkward conversation with your human family. Unless you want to make a freak baby, in which case you shouldn't use a condo, but then you might get sick. Life choices are funny that way.
Me think humans are getting all worked up over nothing. Bigfoot says relax! Me been reading up about the flu, and am happy to report the following:
1) You can only catch it by making the sex with a chicken who has the flu. And...
2) Only about 1/2 the humans who catch the flu have died.
Therefore, the worst-case scenario is that half of the humans who like making the sex with infected chickens will get sick. Those odds seem pretty good to Bigfoot! Me also think that risk of infection goes down if humans use a condo before making the sex with a chicken, which seem like common sense to Bigfoot.
Me also think that using a condo will also cut down on the chance of having a freak baby with the chicken and having to have an awkward conversation with your human family. Unless you want to make a freak baby, in which case you shouldn't use a condo, but then you might get sick. Life choices are funny that way.
posted by Bigfoot at 3:26 PM
3 Comments:
Dear Mr. "Bigfoot",
Having recently engaged in personal communications with the real Bigfoot (see http://unfortunateideas.blogspot.com/2005/11/thats-sasquatch-to-you-bub.html for the unfortunate details) I can say, without all fear of contracdiction, or being smashed to a pulp by His Royal Sasquatchness, that you are indeed NOT bigfoot.
The first giveaway is the shoddy attempt at caveman-like writing. This might fool normal followers of the walking erect (no jokes please) apeman, but for those of us who know Bigfoot, who have dined with him (all right, it was a close call - he nearly ate my leg once), and who have come to call him friend (if only to keep him from beating the hell out of us with a ripped up tree trunk), know that, surprisingly, Bigfoot has a Harvard education and is quite well-spoken. He enrolled in 1967 under the name John Kerry (no relation to the former presidential candidate who was a foot shorter, much less hairier, and was a Yale man) and graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Forensic Biology, which explains his fascination for doing autopsies. I just wish he'd stop resorting to procuring his own subjects ("Autopsy summary - Cause of Death: Bludgeoned by me.")
He also minored in English and was considered quite the romantic poet on campus. I happen to have acquired some of this verse from an old girlfriend of his (Teresa Heinz - no relation to you know who) and it is quite moving, in a primitive sort of way. A sample is below:
Oh, if I could drag you by your hair/
Underneath the carnifourous canopy/
We'd sweetly make our progeny/
Our howls would fill the air
Etc. etc. Come to think of it, it's really quite bawdy stuff, in a Victorian sort of way. The man's an animal...what do you expect.
In any case, I am writing to request that your change the name of your blog to "Psuedo-Bigfoot's Blog" because I know that Mr. Sasquatch will be starting his own endeavor soon, and will not want any confusion with budding satirists, or attention-seekers.
Furthermore, I ran into the Abominable Snowman the other day and from what he said, you should really stop referring to him as The Yeti and use his proper name which is Doug.
Cordially,
Earl Fando
Hi, DB here.
I am not really sure what happened, but Bigfoot's mind appears to be completely blown out right now; from what I can tell, he's been sitting in front of the laptop for days without moving (the copious amounts of fecal matter on the seat and floor give credence to this theory).
I am going to get him washed up and then try to figure out what the hell is going on here. This whole Internet thing is nothing but trouble.
Yes, but Yogi is an anagram for, erm... "Goiy"
I think that's Finnish for something to do with cupboards.
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